Coming out of the Dark
by a client not a therapist
Healing is not something I have expected the last 10 years. However, I've been better in the last few months to the point where I thought I was close to being healed. My depression played a joke on me. It lulled me into believing I had a chance at leaving it behind.
Then I got thrown into hell. I went through some kind of hellish episode with my depression that was triggered by what was talked about in a therapy session. I didn't expect this from the topic we talked about. It was a very deep depression with severe anxiety. I thought about checking myself into a hospital. To say the least, it was the worst episode I've had in years, maybe ever. Depression laughed in my face.
Coming out of it I felt like blaming my therapist for it. This makes no sense, but it is what I felt. I wanted to stomp my feet and yell at her, as though she somehow made this happen. I didn't but I felt like it nonetheless. What this says about me, I don't know. What I do know is that after that session it took five days for everything to erupt. Nerves and sadness boiled up taking me over from head to toe. As I went through this I disassociated. I don't do the version of that where one has an out of body experience, but I do wipe out the memories of the bad things that happened.
The point of all this is that I'm recovering from this awful mess at lightning speed. I am better. Much better than I expected to be some 10 days later. This sort of thing would have had me down for months as little as a year ago, but one week later I felt myself coming back to where I was before it all happened. It says a lot about how much I've healed in the past few months.
The point of all this is that if you follow through with your therapist, and various other things such as medication suggested by psychological specialists, you get better. Better enough that huge setbacks don't last forever. You come around and can stick out your tongue at the depression that wants to hold you back. Keep truckin' and you could get surprised just like I did. Depression looks like a big dark monster, but it's a softy.
