Waking up in the Dark
The depressive disorder has some added features I haven't spoken about. The insomnia is very powerful, and so, I am always up at an ungodly hour. I was up at 2:30 this morning. I try to make things seem as normal as possible, but I am always glancing out the window to the darkness beyond. It is a difficult thing because I react to the darkness as I do to anything else that inspires depression.
When I go to sleep at night I always wish I would sleep through the night, but it doesn't happen. I wake up, turn on the tv and wander the apartment restlessly. I am constantly looking for that one thing that will take my mind away from my worries. During that search, I found some things that help.
Reading is the first on my list. I love to read a really good piece of fiction. My area of interest is mostly urban fantasy. Not many people discover that one. If the story is good enough it will hold me in place for as long as 5 minutes, and lately, that's a long time.
Another thing I have discovered is mindful and/or stress-reducing coloring for adults. Oddly enough it is actually pretty cool. I am not a detail-minded person, and in this activity, you can be very detailed or not quite so much and still look good. Amazon has adult coloring books and gel ink pens in hundreds of colors. The richness of the colors has a wonderful effect on me, and I wouldn't be surprised if it would be for everyone else as well. Not only does this activity tend to engross people, it also allows the creative juices to flow. This alone provides the mind with a healthy place to go, but it can also tickle the self-esteem muscle until it is stronger than before. Thank you, Austin.
Lastly, one of my favorite things to do is to write. I can get some things done this early in the morning that I could never have done mid-day. I haven't written fiction in a while, but along with blogging that is one of the things I like to write. Depression feeds on loneliness, and the hours between 2 am and dawn can be nothing but lonely. This is where these activities come in handy. They help take the edge off because the mind is focused elsewhere.
Do you suffer from insomnia because of your depression? Insomnia can be related to a lot of different issues, but having a plan when it happens really eases the stress it causes. There can be other quiet hobbies that help as well. Do you sew? If you have a good lamp this one could help a lot. How about knitting or crocheting Christmas gifts. Painting plaster bisque comes to mind. All in all, insomnia is better spent concentrating on things other than what has kept you awake. If you have any late-night activity suggestions, please let me know.
