It has been a difficult time these past 5 months, but I am getting on track. I know that a blog should be consistent, and that is the next part of myself I want to work on. I have decided that I want to write and publish my blog every two weeks, and I am hoping that I can and will do it. The hardest part is deciding on topics to write on, and that will take thought. So, here goes the next installment.
The most absurd thing about dealing with major depressive disorder is how much you learn about yourself. Being in a depressed state can make you want to do nothing, I've spent years trying to live an ordinary life, A life wherein I can think clearly and make decisions quickly instead of being lost in the fog of depression. A life that moves along steadily and without major depressive episodes. I simply want to get through each day feeling like I matter.
It is finally beginning to seem to take shape, and I think I'm coming into my own. The depression is still around and still causes me to question myself and to quickly jump on myself thinking I'm doing things wrong, but I come out of these times a little more easily and with a desire to not make myself miserable.
I don't know about everyone else, but I have trouble getting the constant belittling of myself to ease up. I grew up in a place where I was constantly told how worthless I was. This continues today when I am telling myself these things. However, I know that it is my voice I hear, and I want it to stay quiet. I can say to myself that I am not worthless and I believe it most of the time now.
I have a fairly good support system in place now. I have a very good friend who is supportive and can help me find my way back when I get lost in the depression. That is very important. My support group which includes her, is good. Since I've never before had a support system, this has become extremely important to me. It includes an ex-therapist, my former nurse, a great friend who is also a caseworker for me, and a dear friend. These people can make me smile and tell me when I'm too hard on myself. This helps, but does not completely relieve, my depression. It has been a glorious adventure in getting better.
Major depressive disorder is not an easy disorder to deal with. I am not severely depressed all the time. I have some days and weeks that are better, but even better now with my support system in place. I strongly believe in therapy to help as talking things out helps to air out problems and get another perspective on matters.
If you are suffering from situational depression, only occasional depression, these tips will help as well. Situational depression can be caused by things such as divorce, a breakup, the loss of a loved one, loneliness, getting on in age, and others. Things that cause situational depression can generally be overcome with help and work. Like with major depression you must make yourself work on things that help, and listen to the advice given by professionals in the field.
Work on getting better, and you might get a pleasant surprise.
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