Dial a Friend

 © 2023 Written by one who is the client not the mental health professional 

Even though it is partly genetics, we go through a lot in our lives to wind up with depression.  It isn't fun and is made worse by people who misunderstand the diagnosis.  Whether you are going through something that is not permanent like a situational depression, or you are like me and suffer major depressive disorder and are fighting a longer battle, it is your right to find a well-fitting therapist.

 You don't want to trust too easily or give up too soon.  I've known a lot of people who have gone to a therapist once or twice and stated that they did not think it could work out.  That is like saying you can buy a car without test-driving it.  It takes more than one or two visits to tell if the rapport between you and the therapist can work.  It may be that you really can't work with someone, but the time you spend learning that will benefit you even if it isn't what you were looking for.

 I think a good therapist should be able to empathize with their client.  It probably would be bad to have a therapist who has little to no empathy.  But never assume you know how much empathy someone has for your situation. Also, the person you go to should have the right amount of compassion and empathy for you in particular.  Some might need more and others less.  One should feel safe, heard, and welcome when talking to the therapist.  

Therapy isn't just talking, though that plays a big part in it. It is also observing, analyzing, and diagnosing.  Those things should be done without much of the emotional component.  We want our therapist to be able to back away from becoming emotionally involved so that he or she can guide us to uncover what is going on.  Understand, I'm not a professional, but these things seem obvious to me. The therapist does not fix us; we fix ourselves under their guidance.  This is why they cannot become totally emotionally involved.  Also, therapy must allow the individual experiencing it to be him or herself.  If we are not comfortable with being who we truly are, then the therapy we get will be gauged toward another individual. The one we pretend to be.   

Sometimes being ourselves is very difficult especially if we as the client do not like who we are.  If we are trying to be what we believe others will like, it is fairly certain that the therapy will not work for us. Trust is a huge issue.  We cannot rely on a therapist if we do not trust in them at least to some extent.  My single biggest issue with therapy is learning to trust completely.  I have, however, learned to come close and it has benefitted me greatly.  If you are not able to trust in your therapist, you should talk to him or her about it.  That might help. It is a wonderful thing to know you can trust at least one person with your innermost thoughts.  It is difficult to learn to trust if you have had problems with others betraying your trust before.  This is where time staying with the same therapist can help a great deal. With luck perhaps you too can view your therapist as a superhero, or someone you can laugh freely with.