What "Difference" Does it Make?

 By one who attends therapy.

I really dislike Sundays.  Why? Because I tend to get depressed more easily and more deeply on Sundays.  I don't understand this, but I know it is true.  There are a lot of things I and others do not understand about me, and I think that fact leads to depression.

    I just ate a bowl of ham and bean soup for breakfast.  Why not?  It is food just as eggs and toast are food, and it is a food I like.  I also love to have a good chili dog for breakfast.  I don't understand having to do things a certain way just because someone says so.  I've never been good a complying with the "traditional" way of doing things.  I'm not way out there.  I don't wander around in my undergarments, and I don't do things that might hurt others.  I am just different.  This difference has at times, deepened my descent into depression. I think it is because it has made those around me question me or make snide comments. My mom always wondered why I wasn't more like my sister, or my cousins.  I have come to really appreciate my differences and accept the ones I don't appreciate.

I've come closer to complying with the "norm" as I've gotten older.  When I was in my early 40s and my daughter was starting college, I hung out with people her age.  I also dated people her age. Others found that scandalous, but I just wanted to be with those who let me be myself.  That has never been true of people my own age.  Frankly, it has never been true of people in general.  We wonder why depression is so prevalent these days.  I think we have a hard time allowing those we know and/or love to be different without criticizing them or laughing at them.  I know because those things happen to me all the time.

I have a neighbor who dislikes me intensely because my house is not neat and tidy like hers.  I'm basically a slob, but I work at it, so it isn't too terribly bad.  However, I really don't care whether everything is in its place, or that the dishes are all done.  I get things done as I see fit.  My neighbor's idea of "right" is making sure everything is very clean, organized, and well-placed.  She spends a great deal of what little free time she has cleaning.  That leads to sour pussness.  I get depressed on occasion because it is difficult to be disliked by someone who doesn't know me.  So I have a paper on the floor, or a jacket hanging over the arm of the sofa.  I am generally kind and intelligent.  Find someone else to scorn for their habits. I will never want to be just like anyone else.  

I have an excellent education all the way through graduate school.  However, I am disabled now as well as retired so I wear the funkiest t-shirts I can find. The criterion for a funky t-shirt is that it is cheap.  I don't want to stand out, but more than that I don't want to stand down.  

Battling depression is difficult.  It would be easier, though, if we allowed one another to express ourselves without fear of the barbs and criticisms that tend to get thrown around.  Don't decide someone is wrong because they don't live by your concept of what "should" be. I love to wear hats, odd though they are, and I love cats.  I think I need to spend more time with those things.   I guess maybe now I'll start going off on those that think it fine to laugh at or criticize me.  At least it will let some steam off.  Let the guy next to you be himself.  You'll be contributing to a better world.